I Forgot What I Was Missing

I had this realisation the other day, one of those quiet ones that sneaks up on you.

I’ve stopped talking about creative ideas at work.

Not because I ran out of them.

But because somewhere along the way, I stopped feeling like there was space for them.

The spark that used to make me excited for team meetings to share a crazy idea that came to me on my walk to work just sort of… dulled.

And it hit me, in the middle of a very normal day, that

 I don’t get excited to co-create anymore.

And I used to love that part - I really need it.

I used to work in a marketing team where we were chasing a huge, audacious, creative vision together. We laughed, we challenged each other, we ran with weird ideas and made them work. We built things together.

And selfishly, I felt seen and appreciated not just for what I could do, but for how I thought, how I imagined, how I dreamed.

It felt like magic.

And I miss it.

Not just the people (though of course, them too). I miss the feeling, that we all got from doing this together.

The joy of someone jumping on your half-formed thought and turning it into something bigger. The buzz of real collaboration.

I’ve been doing a lot of the making alone lately.

And I’ve built things I’m proud of, I really have.

But until today, I wasn't able to put words to the quiet loneliness in it all. This horrible feeling of trying to keep something alive without the oxygen it needs.

So this is what I have realised or maybe just remembered...

For me, creativity isn’t meant to be solitary all the time.

I am not meant to hold all the ideas, all the energy, all the belief, by myself.

The creativity I want needs connection.

It needs a bit of chaos.

It needs the spark that only comes when someone else says, “I bloody love it! Lets do it!

Realising that has made me feel lighter.

Like I can finally stop trying to make something beautiful in a vacuum.

And I am just relieved.

Because maybe I haven’t fallen out of love with marketing.

Maybe I’ve just been trying to do it without the people who made it joyful.

Maybe the spark is still there, it’s just been a bit lonely.

Now that I know what’s been missing, I can go looking.

I can start again.

I can find my people.

I don’t need to wait.

I just need to stop going it alone.

And start finding the ones who’ll build with me.