Are They Hot, or Do You Just Work With Them?
There’s a truth about workplaces that I don't think people don't talk about enough: sometimes, you find yourself thinking someone is hot—not because they’re your type, but because you share a Slack channel, a project deadline, or the same kind of disdain for team-building exercises.
Refinery29 recently wrote about the “proximity crush,” and it made me feel a little less alone. Their perspective? Spend enough time around someone—whether at work, in your neighbourhood, or during shared activities—and suddenly, they start to seem way more attractive. It’s not about their looks; it’s about context. Proximity can turn even the most unassuming colleague into the star of your office daydreams.
And while I don’t disagree, I’d argue there’s an added layer when it comes to the workplace. Because beyond proximity, there’s also the magic of what should be called ‘office goggles’.
Over the Christmas period, while I was in New Zealand with my dear dear friend Alice. We’d spent days relaxing, talking about everything from work to life to the mildly existential questions you can only ponder when you’ve got nothing else to do but sit on a beach.
At some point, my work crush came up. I’d mentioned them before, so this wasn’t new information for Alice. But mid-conversation, she casually turned to me and said,
“You know he’s not hot, right?”
It wasn’t mean or judgmental—it was Alice at her most Alice: direct, honest, and incapable of sugarcoating anything for my benefit (which I love her for). And in that moment, I realised two things:
(1) Alice was probably right, and
(2) I was never going to tell anyone else about this crush ever again (well not for a while).
Building on Refinery29’s article, I think the “proximity crush” becomes a whole different beast in the office, thanks to a few specific ingredients:
The Competence Crush: Watching someone nail a presentation or troubleshoot a printer makes them instantly more attractive.
The Bubble Effect: In the small ecosystem of your office, options are limited, and people you might not glance at twice in the real world start to seem magnetic.
The Shared Struggle: There’s a bond that forms when you’ve both survived back-to-back meetings or that one chaotic team offsite.
Suddenly, the person who hands you a coffee on a bad day seems like a hero. And when you step outside the office context? You realise you’ve just described someone who knows where the good office snacks are hidden.
As much as Alice’s honesty stung in the moment, it was also hilarious. That’s the beauty of a friend like Alice—she brings you back down to Earth, where you can laugh at yourself and admit, “Okay, maybe this crush was more about how well he handled the Q4 report than anything else.”
And really, isn’t that what friends are for? To remind you that your work crush isn’t Ryan Gosling or Aaron Pierre; they’re just the person who always knows where the spare charging cables are.
My Disclaimer
I don’t think work crushes are a bad thing. They’re harmless, fleeting, and, if we’re being honest, a little bit fun. They add a spark to the day-to-day grind and remind us that even in the dullest settings, we can find something—or someone—to smile about.
That said, let me just add this: any references to Q4 reports, Excel mastery, or spare charging cables have been carefully chosen to make this story as anonymous as possible. You’ll never guess who my work crush was—mainly because after Alice’s reaction, I’m never telling anyone else again....well maybe not for a while.
Because let's face it, it’s fun to share your crush with your friends.
