Am I Supposed to Be Easygoing?
I'm not very good at dating. I mean, really not good. And yes, I've been trying (emphasis on the trying) to do the whole online dating thing.
Although "trying" might be a bit of a stretch since I've given it very little focus and attention. It's become a half-hearted hobby at best, which is kind of funny when you think about how much effort is supposed to go into finding "the one."
But what really gets me are the profiles.
Specifically, the ones where the guys write things like, "I'm looking for an easygoing girl."
Without fail, I laugh. Every time.
Not just because it's such an empty cliché, but because once upon a time, I tried to convince myself that I was, in fact, easygoing.
Spoiler Alert: I'm not. Not even close.
I side-eye those profiles so hard. What is it about being "easygoing" that's so appealing anyway?
Is it shorthand for no drama?
Do they want someone who'll never challenge them? Someone who will go with the flow and let them make all the decisions?
Is it a nice way of saying....Please don't be difficult?
Or it's about convenience, someone who won't complicate their life.
Whatever it is, I know one thing for sure, I don't want to be easygoing.
Not anymore. I want to be fully me:
curious
thoughtful
opinionated
The type of person who listens to a podcast and then spends hours reading everything ever written about the guest.
Someone who watches a film and heads to YouTube to watch all of the interviews with the director to find out what inspires their storytelling. I'm the person who wants to talk about world events, unpack ideas, and get into the why of things.
And that's the question I keep coming back to - Where do people like me go?
Where's the space for those of us who think deeply and live with intensity?
Where are the people who get lost in books and podcasts, who spend hours dissecting a documentary, who are constantly curious and never satisfied with surface-level answers?
That may be why online dating has always felt off to me. I've been looking for a connection that goes beyond chemistry. Someone who can't help but overthink things in the same way I do. Someone whose mind sparks when they hear a good question and who thrives on exploring ideas.
And honestly? I'm not sure that kind of person exists in a world built on endless scrolling.
I think I will have to be more deliberate about finding people who think like me. Maybe that means turning up where realconversations are happening, lectures, book events, places where curiosity is the currency.
