When Creativity Takes a Back Seat: My Marketing Midlife Crisis

One of the things I absolutely love, like really, truly love, is having mentees.

Now, I don't go out actively seeking them like some kind of corporate saviour, but for the past couple of years, I've had the privilege of mentoring some incredible women.

And for me, it is important that they're women, for all the reasons.

But here's the thing about mentoring, it can be deeply confronting. Because all the stuff you're advising your mentees to reflect on, think about, consider for their careers… well, inevitably, you kind of have to say it to yourself.

You can't give someone advice about self-awareness or chasing what lights them up without turning that mirror back on yourself.

And today, after a session with a mentee, I had this thought:

'How do I fall back in love with marketing?'

Now, for the uncomfortable bit, the reason I'm asking myself that is because I've fallen out of love with it.

And I hate that I'm here….but I'm here.

I remember being this eager, up-and-coming marketer who was desperate to get into the "big S" Strategy marketing meetings. You know, the ones in the boardroom where everyone pretends to be very important.

I was young.

I'd read all the books.

I thought that's where the magic happened.

Back when I was a 'baby marketer' I asked my Marketing Director at the time,  

"What do you actually do in those meetings?"

He gave me a whole spiel about reports, politics blah blah blah and to be honest I zoned out halfway through.

None of it sounded like marketing to me. It sounded like… admin.

And I remember asking him...

"Don't you miss being creative?"

He looked at me like I'd asked if he missed finger painting and said,

"Nah, that part of marketing never really interested me."

Which, reflecting back on who he was; of course it didn't. He was not a marketer, not in the way I understood marketing. He loved the power struggles more than anything else.

But then he hit me with this gem...ha

"The more senior you get, the less creative it is. You just have to decide if seniority is important to you."

So condescending at best, patronising at worst. And yet, here I am, 20 years in, and… I think I'm him.

Not with the politics; that is definitely not my thing, but I'm just not doing the work I love anymore.

The creativity, the calculated risks, the "let's try something so wild it might just work" moments… they're gone. What's left? Reports, forecasts, decks, emails about emails, rinse and repeat.

It's like being in a relationship where your partner stops making an effort. No more gigs, no more fun. Just endless talk about mortgage rates and life insurance. And you wake up one day and think:

"I don't love you anymore."

I don't love marketing anymore. And I don't know if it's because of where I'm doing it, the size of the corporate machine, or the expectations that come with being senior. But if it's any of those things, I need to change something. And fast.

Because I still love the idea of marketing. I love the magic of tackling a problem with creativity. I love pitching marketing as a real business driver and how it moves the needle on revenue, changes hearts and minds, educates customers, andtakes them on that "aha!" journey.

But right now? I'm not doing any of that. And that makes me sad.